He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
