I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
