Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
