her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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