I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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