haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
