my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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