my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
