Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize