You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
