That's when you crack a 10am beer
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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