She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize