At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
No more Irish car bombs ever.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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