I would go down on you faster than GM stock
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
