the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize