Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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