The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
