soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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