How'd it feel making her break her religion?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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