this boner is exhausting
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
