Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
