Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
