Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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