Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
