if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize