He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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