Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
