dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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