That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
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