Just cropdusted the office
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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