You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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