Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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