I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
