we're chasing vodka with high fives
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
