I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Dignity is for republicans.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
