Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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