the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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