I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize