I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
two words: eviction party
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
