all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
