Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize