TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
