Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
