well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
If I die, sorry about rent.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
