yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
