Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
