the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
