I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize