What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
