You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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