Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
