Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
