Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
