Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Dicks are not precious.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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