he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
