I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
