he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
