I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
