i was born a porn star she said
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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