Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
