Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
