yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
