apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
