she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
