I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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