Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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