my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
