She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
