I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
