Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Randomize
