My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
