u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
