First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
