Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
