I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize