never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Farmville is her only friend.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
