can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize