I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
