Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
