My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
