i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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