420 ftw
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
