I'm going to jail i love you
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
