btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
