Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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