...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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