I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
