Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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