So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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