I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
