I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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