I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
