my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize