i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
