there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
