Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
