it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
birth control should be required to get into college
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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