Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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