I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
