does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
