I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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