took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
