you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
