i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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