im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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