I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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