You made me cry and you don't even care
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
